Loud
by arilovexo
Summary: Maya won't cry; she refuses to cry. She can't feel her emotions anymore and makes a mistake that lands her on suicide watch. Will songwriting with Dallas help her feel her emotions again or will she just continue to stay in denial? She soon learns that being loud, is a good thing. Though it hurts, it's best to just let it all out. Maya/Katie


"_Campbell Saunders is dead_."

Maya blinked her eyes and then looked up at him, "That's impossible. I saw him the other day. Cam's obviously fine." When Simpson shook his head, she knew he was being serious, and decided it was best to stay quiet.

"If you want to go home, you have permission." He looked at Katie, "I think it's best you go with her."

"Yeah, I wont leave her side." She looked at her sister, "Maya what would you like to do?" She touched her knee comfortingly, but Maya didn't even feel it. She couldn't feel anything.

"I want to practice for my audition, if that's okay." She finally said, and looked up, ignoring her sister's look of concern as well as the counselor and Simpson's. Then she abruptly stood up and walked out of the office.

Katie silently followed her, and watched as she set her cello on the table silently and pull it out, taking a seat. She then silently closed the door to allow her to have privacy and walked down the hall to her locker, leaning against it.

She didn't know how to feel, with Maya acting the way she was. She had just lost who Katie knew was the love of her life, and yet she was acting like nothing had happened.

About an hour and a half later, Maya had finished, Katie telling her she was scaring her with the way she was acting and Marisol asking if she'd speak at the vigil later that night.

The rest of the day had been blurry. She hardly remembered talking to Zig and what she said at the vigil, she had meant _every _word. She refused to cry. She refused to break down. She didn't want to. And she realized that even she _did _want to cry, she couldn't. She was too numb for that.

She was really happy to make up with Tori the next day. Even though tears did _finally _fall from her eyes, she realized it wasn't for her dead boyfriend. It was for the loss of her best friend. She had missed her, and just wanted her back in her life. Even if she had fucked up by kissing her boyfriend. Still. Sometimes a girl just needs her best friend. Regardless of what went on.

Tori had walked ahead of her, and Maya decided to take Hoot out of her backpack. She carried him with her everywhere. Cam's scent was still on him and she didn't want to give that up. It was like Cam was with her when she had Hoot, in some odd, strange way she'd never be able to explain to everyone else. She smiled a little bit at the stuffed animal, then walked into class.

Everyone was staring at her (with the exception of Tori) as soon as she had stepped inside. She knew they all felt sorry for her; the girlfriend of the guy who killed himself. Not that it meant anything to them. Not that it meant anything to _her_.

"Okay class today…" She tuned her teacher out, instead focusing on the owl in front of her. Her eyes narrowed in on it's beady little eyes, and she saw for a split second, the night she'd had with Cam, his hand wrapped around Hoot's head, pretending that it was attacking her.

"Fuck you." She whispered suddenly, startling even herself. Tori looked over to her, but she just shook her head. The anger was starting to build up inside of her body, slowly erupting as she stared at Hoot. She looked down at her binder for a moment, hoping that it would give her some sort of a way to get out of her head. But it didn't. It wouldn't.

The front cover was a picture of her and Cam. Her arms were wrapped around him and he had a smile on. She knew _now _that it had been fake. His whole happiness with her had been fake. Every little detail of their damn relationship at been fake.

So staring again at the owl, she did something so abrupt, it not only scared the whole class, but made her feel more numb than she already did.

She picked up Hoot and angrily threw him across the room, letting out a loud, "Fuck you Cam!" As she did. Then she sat down and acted like nothing had happened, or at least tried to. Her teacher slowly brought the owl back to her and Maya just glanced up at her.

"Do you need to step outside for a minute, Miss Matlin?"

"No. I don't." Maya answered. "I just need to stay here, I don't want to go home, I don't want to be there right now."

"Do you think it's a good idea you stay here?" Her teacher asked her, "I would understand if you felt like you had to leave."

"I don't." Maya repeated, staring again at Hoot. "I want to stay." She then bit her lip, so hard, she could taste the blood coming from it on her tongue and teeth.

"Maybe got to the washroom and clean up a bit, then you're more then welcome to come back." She knew it wasn't a suggestion; it was more of an order at that point. So she stood up, and left without another word, taking Hoot along with her. Tori looked up at her, but she shook her head. Tori immediately understood, and sat back down.

She walked outside her classroom, and kicked one of the lockers. She felt like she'd never get to that place; that feeling of sadness. Instead, she knew she'd be stuck in her head for many months or maybe even _years, _to come and there would be nothing at all she could do about it.

She leaned against the lockers and slowly slid down, staring at Hoot again.

The ironic thing was, he was a stuffed animal. He could talk; he was completely silent. But for some reason, that silence that was all around her, was the loudest thing she'd ever heard in her life.

She didn't move for several minutes. She just sat there, staring at the owl, until she heard a soft, "hey."

Looking up she saw Zig, he sat down beside her, and pointed at the owl. "Who's that?"

So he was acting like there was nothing going on. Smooth move, Novak.

"This is Hoot." She answered, bringing him in between them so that he could see her better. "He's… he's here to comfort me."

"He's a good owl." Zig said, and for some reason that she could never explain it made her laugh. He smiled with her, but it soon stopped and it was silent in between them again.

She looked up at the ceiling, wondering if she'd ever see a ghost, and if she did for the first time in her life, if it would be Cam. For about a split second, she thought that would be cool, but than realized that it was most likely never going to happen.

Just like Cam coming back to life would never happen.

Zig put his arm around her then, and pulled her towards him, so that her head was laying on his shoulder. She felt a little comforted by that, and put an arm around his waist. After a few minutes though, the comfort felt a little strange, so she sat up and moved a few feet away from him. Luckily for her, he seemed to understand and didn't look offended by her actions at all.

"Why did this happen?" She whispered, remembering her sister's words from the day before. _He was sick, really sick. _That still didn't explain much to her. That still didn't explain why he never talked to her and told her what was wrong.

"Things just happen for whatever reason." He shrugged. "Life's just weird that way sometimes, I guess."

"But why did—why did someone I really love and care about, just die like that? Why didn't he think of me? Or his mother? Or his sisters? Or brothers?" She sounded monotone, like a robot, and she was sure Zig was picking up on that. She also noticed how she didn't speak about him in the past tense. It was like he was still there, though she knew he wasn't and would never be again.

She looked up and saw a row of colorful lockers. They were the same in all the hallways, and the red one in the middle, she knew was Cam's. They had a lot of good (and bad) memories on that locker together. And even though she knew it wasn't the _exact _locker, it was still his locker in a sick, twisted way.

"He had problems," Zig had answered her, and she blinked back in to the present time. "He just didn't know how to deal with them." Interesting that it was coming from _Zig _of all people as he had called Cam a psycho just a couple days before.

"I could've helped him." She said quietly. "But he didn't give me the chance." She felt the anger bubble up again, and once again, abruptly threw Hoot across the hall, watching as he hit the _red _locker and fell to the ground. This time though, she didn't yell. Instead, she just sat there and took it for what it was.

She was angry. Not sad, but most definitely angry.

Zig was silent, and for once in her life she was happy that he was. He didn't know what to say now and she didn't blame him. She didn't at all.

So, she looked away for a moment and saw a boy at the other end throw his backpack against the wall and then slowly sink down to the ground, his head against his knees. She looked back at Zig with a curious look on her face and he silently told her to go ahead. She then slowly walked to him and took a chance, sitting down beside him.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up at her and she noticed his eyes were red and teary.

"I should be asking you the same thing." He said, his voice raspy. She looked confused, so he explained himself. "You lost someone you love, right?" She nodded, "So therefore, I should ask you if you're okay."

"Yeah, but you're upset. This isn't just affecting me, it's affecting everyone else too. Especially since I can see you're sitting in front me and you've been crying."

"I also haven't been sleeping," He admitted.

"Me either." She whispered. "Why haven't you been able to sleep?"

He shrugged, "It haunts me, you know? I was the one who saw his body and thank god I prevented my girlfriend from seeing it, it was too… too horrific."

She blinked, realization settling in on her. "Wait, you're the student who found his body?" He nodded, "Oh my god." She looked ahead for a moment, before turning her head back to him. "I can't imagine what that feels like."

He would've said the same thing for her, but he already knew what she was feeling as he'd gone through it himself. He'd seen two dead bodies in his life, the last one he couldn't get out of his mind no matter what he did, and the second, he doubted would be any different. He just nodded his head, acknowledging what she said without words.

"You and I," Maya shifted her body so that her back was against the wall and she had her legs spread apart, "We're not so different after all."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "We both have trouble getting out of our heads. But one thing I'm noticing that comes easier to you… you feel numb, but yet, you _can _cry and be angry. I can't do that."

"You stay angry?" She nodded.

"I don't want to feel sad. He doesn't deserve my tears."

"That's what you say now," He told her, "but later on, it's going to hit you and it's going to hit you _hard_."

She nodded, running her fingers through her hair, as he looked up.

"Hey Katie," He said, and she looked up as well.

"Hi, Eli." Katie's voice sounded tired, and though Maya normally would've felt bad for causing it, she really didn't this time. Katie held her hand out, "I walked by your class to see how you were doing, Zig was sitting outside so he pointed in this direction and then handed me Hoot." She gave the owl to Maya who took it and was once _again_, staring at it.

"Thanks." She said quietly.

No one said anything, so she just continued to stare at Hoot, which she realized was quickly becoming a sort of theme in her life the past hour and a half.

Only this time, she didn't feel _any _emotion whatsoever. In fact, all she really felt was numbness.

"Maya?" Katie's voice broke through her thoughts. "Do you want to come with me?"

Maya slowly nodded and stood up, she turned to Eli. "Nice talking to you." She said quietly.

He nodded, "Same, and if you need to talk to me, come to me whenever okay?"

"You too." She responded and he gave her a soft smile back. She followed Katie all the way to the washroom, and then walked to the sink. She put Hoot on the ledge for the mirror and stared at herself a moment before splashing her face with water. Then she wiped her face dry and grabbed Hoot again, leaning against the door to the washroom. She looked up at Katie, who was leaning against the sink, just staring at the ground. "Katie?" She said, tentatively and Katie looked up. "I'm scared." She admitted, her sister immediately looked concerned and confused all at the same time.

"Why are you scared?"

"I'm stuck in my mind," She said, "It's like I can't get out of it, no matter what I do, and I get angry."

"Anger is normal," Katie answered. "Everything you're feeling is very normal," She repeated, hoping that her sister understood her. Maya shook her head. If there was anything she learned; it was to not be in so much denial.

"Katie." She spoke her sister's name like she was scolding her. "My boyfriend just _died_. I can't even cry because I don't think he deserves my tears. I'm angry, angry because he could've come to talk to me and he didn't. He just let himself stay in his head and then this all happened." She waved her hands in the air, gesturing around. Katie realized then that Maya was letting out her thoughts, and didn't say anything, hoping that she continued. "I don't want to be inside my mind, okay? I want to—I want to grieve, but I don't know how to."

"You are, in your own way grieving, like I told you before, what you said at the vigil was your way of grieving, storming off and doing what you did is another way. I understand you're angry, and if you want you can take it out on me, I wouldn't blame you for anything you did. I can't imagine how you feel right now, since both my exes are still alive, even if one is an engaged asshole, he's still alive, and the other, well he's a pothead sure, but you get my point right?"

Maya just stared at her, she didn't say anything, instead looking _once again_ at Hoot. She felt the anger bubble up again and for the third time that day, threw Hoot against the wall, letting out a scream.

Katie immediately went to her and hugged her, holding her tight as she did and to her surprise, Maya didn't fight it. But what she was doing was fighting her emotions and that was not okay.

"Let it out, Maya." Katie said, "It's okay to cry. Don't fight against your emotions anymore."

"I'm not fighting," Maya mumbled, "I actually just can't feel them right now."

"I know…" Katie sighed, "But hopefully you will soon. You're really scaring me."

Maya nodded, "I know. I'm scaring myself too." And with that, she wrapped her arms around her sister tighter, holding her close. "Please, Katie. Don't let go."

"I won't." Katie promised, "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

She was in her room now, alone. Katie had a chemistry project due that she had to work on with Bianca as regardless of what had happened and though Simpson gave her an excuse, Katie still didn't want Bianca to do all the work. Maya didn't blame her really, in fact, she wanted her to go. It was better for her to just be by herself for a little while. As nervous as that made Katie, she knew it was the truth. So after having Maya promise her she'd text or call if she needed her for _anything_, she left.

Afterwards, Maya had snuck down to her parent's liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine. She'd only gotten drunk once before, back when Katie and Jake were together and her parents were once again away on a trip. She and Cam were alone, and she'd come up with idea to get drunk. So they snuck some liquor from the cabinet, took a few shots, and had gotten really shit faced. She remembered that as being a happy moment, her giggling and Cam laughing, giving her sloppy kisses as she tried not to completely lose herself.

When she'd gotten up earlier to get something from the cabinet, she hesitated a moment, remembering what had happened the last time. Though this time was much different, she knew it would make her already numb feelings even _more numb_, if that was possible and just decided to go ahead and do it. Her parents weren't around anyway, and neither was Katie, so what was the big deal?

Now she was in her room drinking the bottle of wine, and looking up at Hoot, who just stared back at her. She then got the idea to make a video of her own, and went to her desk, lifting the top of her laptop up, she sat on the chair and went to the photobooth app. Though her mind was a little hazy, she found the effect she wanted—black and white—and then pressed record.

"Hi, I'm Maya Matlin." She said, starting it off cheery. "Everyone at Degrassi probably knows me just as the girlfriend of the hockey star who killed himself, and most likely I'll be known as that until I graduate, but here's something you all don't know." She leaned in close to the screen and smirked, "I'm not crying. I don't even _care_ that he did it. In fact, I'm more angry than upset… if that made any sense, but whatever, I don't care." She opened her drawer and opened it, pulling out a baggy of white powder. She held it up, "See this? I got this after school today, while Katie was talking to Simpson. Yeah, it's what you think it is, _coke_, thanks to my new friend who gave it to me." She played with it for a few seconds. "I've never tried it before, but I think it'll be an experience, don't you think?" She just started to laugh, her laugh sounding a bit maniac and crazy. "So what my boyfriend killed himself, so what he didn't care about me or his family or his hockey team or anyone he had left behind. It's his loss really, not mine. Like I said at the vigil, I won't cry and there's nothing _anyone _can do to get me to try to." She took a sip of the wine and then giggled. "Well anyway, I have to—uhm, do some homework or something like that," She shrugged, giving off the _I don't give a fuck about anything_ vibe and then smiled again. "Bye." And with that, she clicked off and going to her profile, she uploaded it, shutting off her laptop.

Then she took out the small baggie and poured some on her hand like the guy after school had told her to do. She then inhaled it, feeling the effects almost immediately. She was literally at that moment feeling like she could do almost _anything_. The wine had dropped by her feet, and since there was a little bit left in it, she really didn't care. She just laughed as she stepped over it, and fell on top of her bed. She picked up Hoot and smelled him, when her eyes went over to the back of her door, where she'd noticed Cam's letterman jacket was. He had given it to her before he went back home so that she'd feel comforted while he was away. Though the situation was completely different now, she realized that she wanted to wear it. So she went over there and grabbed it, realizing his hoodie was _also there_. But she decided not to wear that; she just wanted his letterman jacket on.

"See Cam?" She whispered to no one. "You're still here with me even though I'm pissed off at you. You hurt me and you probably don't even care since you're dead now, but still. I'm in pain, but I can't feel it. Even though I'm drunk and high. I couldn't feel it earlier at school and I definitely can't feel it now. This is what you did, are you happy!?" She shouted, "Are you fucking happy? I hope you are! Because now I'm the one who's depressed and I'm the one who has to deal with this alone! You at least had me to talk to, but you didn't want to, you just wanted to keep it to yourself. Well, guess what? Life doesn't always work that way, you should know, look what happened!" Her voice got so loud to the point where it hurt to yell, her throat killing her and her voice becoming raspier.

"I talked to the boy who found you today. His name was Eli… I think. Anyway, now he will never be able to get the image of your dead body from his mind. Not now, not _ever! _Are you happy about that too?" She paused for a moment, before letting out a loud scream, immediately feeling better when she did.

After, she went into the bathroom she shared with Katie to find pills that Katie's doctor had prescribed after she had her surgery. They were anti depressants and after Katie had started to date Jake and build the now haunted greenhouse, she had stopped taking them. But they were always there in case she or, in this case, Maya also needed them.

She tried to pop the cap off but it wasn't working. "Oh my god! Just open up already!" She yelled, but it wouldn't open so she angrily through them on the ground. Her eye caught something shiny, so she picked it up, only to see it was her razor. Without even thinking it through (as she wasn't really in the mental state to do so) she lifted up the sleeve of the jacket and then cut herself, cutting deep. She let out a gasp and then dropped it, watching as the blood dripped from the floor down to the ground; right next to the bottle of pills. She fell down on her ass, and lifted the pill bottle up to her vision. Playing with the cap for a while, she tried opening it again, ignoring the pain in her wrist when she did.

"What are you doing?" She heard, and looked up to see Tori and a girl she didn't recognize.

"I can't get the cap off!" She shouted, as she tried to do it again, but the girl ripped it from her hands, and then gave it to Tori. "Give it to me!" She yelled but Tori shook her head.

"No, Maya." She said firmly and then looked down, noticing the pools of blood all over the place. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Maya yelled at her, trying to get to her, but the girl held her back. "This is all Cam's fault!"

"Okay, you need to calm down, okay?" The girl said and Maya just shook her head, fighting against her.

"Just let me go!"

"Oh my god, what is going on in here?" She saw Katie rush towards her, noticing the blood on the ground, she looked up at her sister in disbelief. "Maya?"

"I can't feel anything," Maya mumbled, she looked at her wrist. "I didn't even feel this."

"Why did you do it?" Katie demanded, "Oh my god, I should've never left you home alone," She made a face as she sniffed the air. "Did you drink?"

"Yup!" Maya smiled at her, she pointed a hand at her sister's chest, stumbling a bit as she did. "I got drunk with Cam before too."

"Okay, we really need to get her to lie down, or to a hospital." The girl said and Maya looked at her through her blurry, clouded vision.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Jenna." She said, "I saw your video online and called Tori who I know from the play we did together. We immediately rushed over here."

"Zig called me," Katie said, as Bianca walked upstairs. "Bianca drove me home."

"And look!" Maya pointed behind her, "Zig's here too!"

"Yeah, I just got here, what… the hell happened?" He asked, looking at Tori, the pool of blood and Maya.

"Apparently Maya drank a bit of alcohol and then decided to harm herself," Katie didn't sound so amused. "God knows what else she's done."

"Coke maybe?" Jenna said and Katie's eyes snapped towards her. "It was in the video."

"Oh my god, Katie." Bianca gasped, "This is really bad." She walked into the room showing Katie the bag of coke. "How much of this did you have?"

"I don't know… I forget." Maya answered and then giggled against Jenna and Katie. "But it doesn't matter, Cam will never love me ever again anyway."

Tori's eyes watered upon hearing that, and surprisingly Zig was the one to comfort her.

"Where did you get this?" Katie demanded, and Maya shrugged. "How? I was with you all day!"

"When you talked to the principal… I think. Yeah, I met a boy, Tyler. He gave it to me. He's really nice you know…" She trailed off, "Maybe he can be Cam for a while."

Katie pulled herself away from her then and looked at her, her eyes worried, not only by what she had said, but also by the fact that she had just tore herself away from her sister, something she swore she'd _never _do, no matter how bad things got.

"Take her to a hospital." Katie said, her tone cold. "Let's all go."

Jenna nodded and Zig pulled himself away from Tori to hold Maya like a baby, so that they could all get to Bianca's car. They put her inside and then rushed to the hospital.

As they drove there, Maya's eyes started to close and she drifted off.

* * *

When she woke up, she was in a hospital room. She really hated hospitals.

She tried to get up, but found her arm was connected to an IV and that it actually hurt her to move it.

"What the hell?" She tried again, ignoring the pain, but she couldn't budge. The door opened then and Zig walked in.

"What are you doing?" He quickly rushed over to her.

"I'm trying to get out of this place!" She stopped fighting against her arm and looked up at Zig. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I was one of the people who found you when you tried to kill yourself," He said, "Not a smart move, let me tell you."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." She responded, but he shook his head.

"Then what were you trying to do?" She stayed silent as his tone was colder. "That's what I thought, you think that killing yourself would solve everything? Did the effects of what happened these last few days not occur to you? What were you thinking?" He yelled at her, and she blinked, suddenly her body started to shake.

"I wasn't thinking at all—"

"Exactly!" He yelled at her, "You weren't thinking…" He calmed down, "Just like Cam wasn't thinking. See a pattern here?"

"No but I—" She blinked again, unable to say anything. She really didn't know what to say, honestly. "I'm not Cam."

"But you're similar right? He was depressed, you're depressed. He killed himself, you _tried _to kill yourself. Where's the difference?"

"Shut up, you don't know anything." She managed to say a moment later.

"Then talk to me."

"I've done nothing but talk! I'm so sick of people telling me who I should be! I'm not going to cry over him!" She put her head in her hands, for a moment and then looked up again. "Everyone's telling me to do what I feel, well this is how I feel, Zig. I'm angry!"

"Fine." He said, his voice calmer. "Then act angry."

"I did. I was angry so I got drunk and did drugs and cut myself. Then I tried to take the pills Katie was prescribed so that I could feel better but it didn't work because everyone came and saved me. Why did you guys save me?"

"Because we care?"

She shook her head, "Well stop caring, I'm not worth it." She said quietly and he looked at her.

"You're not worth it? Why the hell would you say that?"

She looked up, "Ask Cam."

He didn't have an answer for that one, as he knew she was right. He could ask him, so there was no point in wondering.

The door opened then and the doctor came in, Katie behind him. "Well, Miss Matlin, looks like you attempted to kill yourself, that didn't go to well did it?"

This doctor was an asshole.

"Obviously not, but I wasn't trying to kill myself." She blinked, "At least I don't think I was."

"Then what was drinking, doing illegal drugs, and cutting yourself all about?" Katie asked her, "Not to mention trying to open my pill bottle."

"Well sorry for being angry," She muttered, "My anger's just… weird and different I guess." Her body went back to that numb state, and she tried to focus on something, since she didn't have Hoot there with her.

"Well, we're keeping you here for a little while longer. We still have to run a few more tests, but from this moment on you are under suicide watch, okay?"

"I'm what?" She looked up at the doctor.

"Under suicide watch. You are to report here twice a week for group therapy, understand?"

She just nodded her head. Whatever, she didn't care. It wasn't like she'd actually talk there anyway.

"Okay, you will be free to go in the morning." _Great_. The doctor left then and Zig jumped up.

"I'm going to get some coffee, I'll be back in a bit." And he too was gone.

Katie just looked over at her sister. "You know, I'm going to be leaving for college soon."

"So?" What that have to do with her anyway?

"I don't want to go if you're going to be like this, emotionless one minute, angry the next, numb later on. Are you going to stay like this?"

Why was Katie being so insensitive all of a sudden? She really didn't like that.

"What do you care?" Maya snapped, "You'll be gone anyways." She leaned back into the pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

"You're my sister, Maya." Katie responded, "I love you."

She never _ever _wanted to hear those words again, from _anyone_. They didn't mean it, she knew they didn't mean it.

"Right." She snorted, "Just like Cam loves me."

"What don't you understand?" Katie asked her, "Cam was really sick. And right now, I'm fearing you're going to end up sick too." _Or maybe I already am._ Maya thought darkly. "I don't want to lose you."

She stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, taking in Katie's words. Finally she spoke in a whisper, "I don't want to lose me either."

* * *

**BSS part two was by far the BEST episode yet. The actors, every single one of them, deserve an award of some kind for their performances. Dylan, Olivia, Chloe, Demetrius, Aislinn, Munro, Ricardo, Annie... EVERYONE, you all did so amazing and it felt so real and emotional. The scene with Maya playing the cello and showing everyone's reactions was just beautiful and perfect. **

**Suicide is something that I've been waiting to see on television for a while. No one has touched on it for whatever reason, so I'm happy they did it here. It's a serious issue, and I hope that everyone knows to talk when they have a problem. Like Aislinn said herself, it's not selfish to do so. There's a number to call, people in your life (family, friends, professionals) who can all help. Don't ever let your mind go to the darkest place you can get. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I promise, I'll respond as soon as I get the message too. **

**I'm interested in seeing how Maya and Eli (who I believe will be the most affected by Cam's death) deal with the tragedy. I saw a promo where Eli sees red paint and looks a bit apprehensive. Also, when Maya and Katie are fighting and Katie yells at her, "You can't replace Cam!" And Maya just snaps, "Why not?" Brilliantly delivered. This show has taught me so much, ever since I started watching it in grade 8. **

**So... next chapter will probably be up tomorrow if I get enough reviews to continue this. It's nothing like the last one I posted. It's just how I see Maya (or even myself if I were in her situation) dealing with this tragedy and everyone else around her who's affected by it as well. **

**I don't own the song. Which coincidently I heard the day this episode aired. **

**Fun fact: when the episode was on, I only watched the first two minutes, before "accidently" switching it to Austin and Ally. I guess I wasn't quite ready to see it yet. But when I did, I watched it over and over until I was able to understand everything the characters portrayed and everything that went on. I still don't, to be honest. It affected me in a very big way, as I'm sure it affected everyone else too. It sucks Dylan will no longer be on the show anymore, but I see big things happening for him in the future. He's an amazing actor and deserves whatever comes his way.**


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